Blog Week #6

While writing in the work place, one needs to take into account several factors. Two factors that I believe are the most important are those of understanding to whom you are writing to and the second is to understand that in the work place the best manner in which to speak to someone is to speak in a professional manner. In this blog I am going to dissect the email sent from Mr. Pryzblo to a manager in the Personnel Department.
The first part of the email that I want to look at is the Subject line in the email header. The subject reads as INCORRECT PAYROLL CHECKS. I believe that with having the subject in all caps and the language set a tone of anger and aggression towards the receiver of the email. I believe a more acceptable subject would be: Follow up on (the date of the previous meeting) meeting. I believe that this sets a tone that allows the receiver to know that this email is going to be about a meeting where feelings and maybe even tempers were hurt. After the subject line the sentence that sets an accusatory attitude to the receiver was the first sentence. The first sentence reads as follows: I have been reviewing the “errors” in the computer files. First and foremost this sentence has an almost mocking sense with the use of quotations around the word errors. This is a real passive aggressive and even child like way to conduct business. I believe a better start to the email would be: I have reviewed some of the problems we discussed during our previous meeting and have found some discrepancies in the computer files. I believe that this opening sentence sets the agenda for the email while still being said in a professional manner. Now that I have discussed the opening to the revision of the email the following is the full revision:
I have reviewed some of the problems we discussed during our previous meeting and have found some discrepancies in the computer files. I have found that the problems between our two departments are occurring when team members in your department are coping down the incorrect times. I believe that the solution to this problem does not need to be an addition to my department but maybe a refresher course for all employees on how to properly do the time checks. I hope that between our two departments we can work out this problem, but in the meanwhile I recommend that you tell your clerks to review their work carefully before giving it to the computer operators.
I believe that this new revised email takes into account the situation as to which the email was written. I believe that if this was the email Mr. Pryzblo sent then the two departments would be able to work out their differences.